Dealing
With
Personal
Conflicts
By: Dr. Bob Gray Sr.
Copyright Bob Gray, Sr 2010.
Published by Bob Gray Sr. at Smashwords
This book is also available in print at http://www.solvechurchproblems.com
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All Scriptures are taken from the King James Version of the Bible.
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION
The Christian world has been compromised down to its very fabric via the philosophies of this age. It seems Christians have developed humanistic philosophies in dealing with human conflicts. The word “relationship” has been so abused by the psycho-babbling talk show hosts, that the average Christian is as confused as a termite in a yo-yo when it comes to human conflicts. We have used the word “relationship” in discussing marriages, living together, homosexuality, sibling rivalry, etc. Now we have developed worldly formulas to achieve so-called peace in these so-called relationships, without considering the mind of Christ.
This invasion of worldly wisdom has infected the local church and many a local
church has been damaged because of the inability to focus on Biblical solutions to human conflicts among Christians who are members of that local church. We cannot function as a body unless the oil of the Holy Spirit is allowed to flow among these many moving parts. Your car cannot run without the oil that lubricates all of its moving parts in the engine.
This book is designed to supply the reader with an insight into the Biblical views on the day-to-day interactions of Christians. All relationships must fall within the boundaries of the Word of God in order to find the blessings of God. We can adopt Biblical principles to help deal pragmatically with human conflicts. I trust this book will give some vital answers to vital questions in dealing with human conflicts especially inside of the walls of our local churches!
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I would like to thank my dear wife of 45 years as of the writing of this book. Your love and support have allowed the blessings of God to come, not only on our family, but also on our ministry. Lee Ann, I realize that you did not marry a pastor; you married an accountant. Yet, your flexibility has allowed both of us to adjust successfully. Our four children and ten grandchildren all owe you a debt. Thank you for your faithfulness, in spite of ill health.
I also would like to thank my dear mother, who, as of this writing, is 98 years old. Mama, I owe you a debt I will never be able to repay. I promise you, I will not let the wonderful truths you instilled in my life die. I love you!
I also want to thank my children for their love and loyalty to our Saviour Jesus Christ. Kim, Bob II, Karen, and Scott, you have displayed wonderful grace and courage despite being in the spotlight. Sometimes it was good, and sometimes it was not so good, but you have never wavered in your love for your families and for the souls of men.
I want to thank the members of the Longview Baptist Temple for their love and loyalty throughout the 29 years of pastorate. You stayed by your pastor, and I owe you a debt of gratitude.
I want to thank the dear staff at LBT. You have been so faithful in your labors for the souls of men, and I owe you a debt of gratitude.
I want to thank Mrs. Charity Gabucci for the many hours of labor over this manuscript. I also would like to thank my daughter Karen Forgy for her hours of labor in helping me produce my books. You have provided encouragement and an expertise that has proven to be invaluable.
I would be remiss if I did not give acknowledgment to one of the hardest-working staff ladies I have ever met in my life. Mrs. Diana Ayres has been a faithful and loyal staff member for 30 years. Her fiscal integrity and work ethic are unsurpassed.
Then may I give a special thanks to my Saviour. Anything that anyone in the family of God accomplishes in life is because of the mercy and grace of our Saviour.
Matthew 5:9, “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.”
Mark 9:50, “Salt is good: but if the salt have lost his saltness, wherewith will ye season it? Have salt in yourselves, and have peace one with another.”
Romans 12:18, “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
Romans 14:19, “Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.”
II Corinthians 13:11, “Finally, brethren, farewell. Be perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you.”
Everybody wants peace. However, we do not receive peace just because we want peace. We receive peace because we do the things that make peace. If we incorporate, into our lives, the things that make peace, we can live in peace. When we have the things that make peace in our lives, God responds with His love and adds more peace. The Bible says the God of love and peace will be with us, and will give us more love and peace on top of the love and peace we already have.
In Romans 12:18, God tells us to live peaceably with all men. Is it possible to live peaceably with all men? Yes, it is, or God would not have told us to do so. When the Bible talks about living peaceably with all men, it goes beyond simply living peaceably with a certain individual. The word “peace” embraces, and includes, the word “reconcile.” According to Romans 12:18, as much as possible, we are to live reconciling with all men. In other words, we are to be a reconciliatory people.
When Matthew 5:9 says, “Blessed are the peacemakers,” it does not mean that I am only to make peace between myself and somebody else. It means that I am always to be making peace with and between other people. We are to reconcile other people with each other. When you are angry with another person, do you think there is any reconciliation in the mind or heart of either of you? No! You need an independent person to help you reconcile with each other, someone who loves you enough to say, “Come on now, this is not right; you should not be doing this.”
A peacemaker, one who is blessed, happy, and contented, is someone who brings people together, not someone who tears them apart. A peacemaker distributes peace among others. If you are a peacemaker, your very presence should bring people together. That is what it means to live peaceably with all men.
There is no such thing as an invisible, universal church. Everything in the Bible is in the context of a local New Testament church. You will never find two churches that agree on everything. However, God says that it is possible for the members of a particular local New Testament church to bring people together.
One preacher may preach one slant on separation, while another preacher preaches another slant. However, you only have one pastor. Therefore, there is no wisdom in debating what the pastor across town preaches about standards. Your church should stand together and say, “This is what we believe.”
However, within the framework of each local church, there will be people who disagree. God is saying that somebody in each church must have some peace and bring the members together, rather than tear them apart. Not only should we get along with other people, but we should also help other people get along with each other.
Here is our escape route in helping others get along: the statement, “If it be possible…” We like to say, “Well, I talked to him, but we just could not work things out.” What the verse is really saying is that we should bring peace as much as a person will allow us to do so. You cannot force people to get along, but you can make yourself available to them.
If you want peace, you must have the things that make peace. If you want peace, you must manufacture that peace. If you are to be a reconciler, or a peacemaker, you must possess peace, yourself. You cannot make peace if you do not have peace. If you are going to make peace, you need a good supply of it, because you will probably have a great deal of reconciling to do.
You must have an ample supply of peace in order to be able to give peace. To have an ample supply, you must produce and manufacture peace. You must make sure that your cupboard is full before the people come. That is what our church does with the food pantry. We do not wait for the people to come, then run out and buy food; we buy the food first, then we can feed the people.
You cannot be a peacemaker if you do not possess peace. You will not be a peacemaker if you only have a small portion of peace. If that is all you have, you will expend it quickly. You must get up in the morning and spend time with God, because it will not be long before someone with a problem clamps onto your spiritual battery. If you do not have a well-charged spiritual battery, you will find yourself drained, and you will not have anything to give anyone else. You must have an ample supply of peace, so that when a problem arises, peace is available to give.
There are several things you can do to manufacture peace. Remember, we must have our own supply of peace before we can help others. We cannot live off somebody else’s peace. We must live off the peace we are manufacturing.
Create an Atmosphere of Peace
The first step in manufacturing peace is to create an atmosphere of peace. Whether it is in a Sunday school class, your home, your church, your bus route, your marriage, no matter what it might be, create an atmosphere of peace.
Our church has an atmosphere of peace. We do not fight soul winning; we do not fight the bus ministry; we do not fight sacrificial giving; we do not fight big days. There is an atmosphere of peace at the Longview Baptist Temple. There is no tension at our church, and we enjoy each other. We laugh because this is a family get-together. Nobody is worried about a church split, and we are going to keep it that way.
We vote by ballot on things here, because I am trying to create an atmosphere of peace. You can vote “no,” and, if you win, that is alright. We will not do it, and that is alright. I am not going to have a business meeting where people stand up and scream at each other, and I have to tell people to sit down. Things like that will destroy a church.
We organize everything at the Longview Baptist Temple to create an atmosphere of peace. That is why things keep moving. The services are orderly, and there are no dead times. Everything is done the same way every time. The services are predictable, which creates security and peace.
I maintain an atmosphere of peace with our staff. If you were to attend one of our staff meetings, you would find us laughing. You would find me cutting up with everyone. You would also find out that I do not get my way all of the time. You would also find peace on our deacon board. We do not fight; instead, we work together as a team. We pull together to create an atmosphere of peace.
We do not go into a Sunday school class and ask everyone his or her opinion on a subject. That is like saying, “Let’s fight!” No! Let’s just sit down and teach the Sunday school lesson. You must create an atmosphere of peace.
The home is another place where we need to create an atmosphere of peace. Mrs. Gray and I try to create an atmosphere of peace in our home. We never say to each other, “Well, I disagree with that.” We want to have peace in our home and in our marriage. Every time you say to your wife, “I just do not agree with you on that,” you are asking for trouble. What good does it do?