A PROMISE THAT I KEPT 211 Marvin Miller
A Promise That I Kept
By
Marvin Miller
Copyright 2010
CHAPTER 1
Where has the time gone? It doesn’t seem like that long ago since I was a seventeen year old boy back in March of 1968. My world was changing fast, but it seemed like it was moving so slow while sitting in my high school principal's office waiting for another lecture from Mr. Lloyd about the grooming regulations of the school. Although my hair wasn’t long, I was in trouble again for combing it straight down in front just like John Lennon back in the 1963-64 days. I didn’t view it as much of a sin, but Mr. Lloyd took great pleasure in any chance he had to correct me. I was ADD way back before anybody knew what the hell it was. Back then, a kid was just labeled a troublemaker if you couldn’t sit still in class and listen to the teacher drone on and on about their pointless subjects. Therefore, I was labeled a troublemaker and Lloyd would make sure that I would never forget it as long as I went to his school.
“I’ve done everything I can think of to get you to conform to the rules of this school,” Lloyd said after giving me his “death stare” for a few moments. “For the life of me I can’t understand why you want to look like a girl.”
“I don’t look like a girl,” I quickly defended and I thought that jackass had some nerve saying that to me, but he knew I wasn’t going to say anything because I was frightened of him just like every other kid in school. He was nothing more than a bully that ruled through intimidation.
“Well, you’re damned sure trying awful hard,” he shouted with his face turning red like it always did when he was starting to get mad. “The next thing you know, we’re gonna have to start letting you wear panties and a bra!” He suddenly stood up from behind his desk. “We’re not having our students coming to school looking like the goddamn Beatles!” He opened his top desk drawer and took out his pack of Kent cigarettes. Although the faculty had their lounge for smoking, Lloyd felt free to smoke in his own office in front of kids. He pulled one from the pack and lit it up. “Here’s what I’m gonna do: I’m gonna expel you for three days to give you time to come up with a new hair do and if you haven’t come up with one by then, I’ll expel you for three more. Is that understood?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good. Now, get the hell out of my office and I’ll see you in three days with a new haircut.”
I left Lloyd’s office and walked out to the parking lot where my 1967 Mustang waited for me. I dreaded going home and telling my Mother the news, but there was nothing else I could do. Mom had enough problems of her own without me adding to the list. She and Dad had been divorced for only six months. Dad had already remarried, but Mom didn’t have time for romance, she was busy working two jobs to support herself and me bumming off her didn’t help matters at all. The one hundred dollars Dad paid for child support wasn’t enough for squat and I felt ashamed asking a woman who worked at a nursing home and at a café for money, but Mom would always give me what she could. She had even paid for the set of Ludwig drums that I thought were an absolute necessity for my future career as a rock and roll drummer.
The problem with my aspirations of being a successful drummer in a rock and roll band in a rural community in Texas was that there was just no one to form a band with. The group I could land a job with was three other high school boys just like myself, but their interest was country music and I thought that was pretty doggone boring for a talent like me that could play every Beatles, Stones and top forty hit of the day. So, there we were playing Merle Haggard’s “MAMA TRIED,” for the hundredth time during practice one night and the guitar player started griping at me for playing too loud. I replied musically by breaking into the drum solo of the Safari’s hit, “WIPE OUT,” which really annoyed the guitar player who started yelling for me to stop, but I ignored him and continued beating out the solo until I broke a drumstick.
“We’re not playin’ that crap,” he yelled at me. “We’re a country band, remember? We call ourselves the Strangers in honor of Merle Haggard’s band.”
“How could I forget?” I asked. “You know, it’s hard to be a drummer in a band that never plays anything with a beat to it.” I suddenly started disassembling my drum kit. “Hell, I quit.”
Quitting was becoming a way of life for me it seemed. School was first, then the band and then my job at the Texaco station where I had a very short career pumping gas, washing cars and fixing flats. Bending the truth to get my way was also becoming a regular habit. Now, I didn’t have much interest in going to the machinist school that my Mom had heard about, but I did have an interest in going to Houston where it was located. My hopes of finding a band that needed a good drummer were far greater there than in rural West Texas where nothing ever happened. So, with my Mother’s permission and all the money she could spare, I set sail.
In May of ‘68, I was driving my Mustang down an access road by the Gulf Freeway in Houston. The traffic was heavy and I didn’t see the traffic light turn red. Another car hit mine as I ran the stop light and the Mustang was smashed so badly that it had to be towed away to a repair shop. I was still without a job and now without a car. It didn’t take me but a few days before I was at the pay phone calling my Dad for help. “Dad, I hate to ask you this, but do you think you could possibly send me enough money to buy a bus ticket home with?”
After a great meal, my Dad always liked to sit at the table and have a conversation, but this time it was my Stepmother who was doing all the talking as she was giving me another unwanted lecture about life. “Dewayne, this is your home and you are welcome to stay here for as long as you like as long as you pull your own weight around here.” As usual, she had already drank more than a couple of beers. It always seemed that the more she drank, the more knowledgeable she became as she looked me straight in the eye. “I think you should know that I am against the idea of you goin’ back to Houston. I think you should stay here, get a job and learn what it’s like to have to work for a livin’. You’re like a feather in the wind. You don’t have any direction in your life. You need to learn how to work and be a man.”
“We’ll take you to Houston when your car is ready and I’ll loan you the money to get it out of the shop,” my Dad added.
“What about my drums?” I asked. “The landlord down there told me that he was gonna keep ‘em till I paid him the money I owe for rent.”
Dad shook his head no which meant he was totally against the idea. “He’ll just have to keep the drums. Just getting your car out of the shop is all we can afford,” he told me.
“Forget about them damned drums,” my Stepmother added quickly. “That’s kid stuff, you need a real job!”
I couldn’t argue, tears filled my eyes and I certainly didn’t want them to see me cry. I quickly got up from the table and walked outside knowing that my musical career was over.
I spent the summer of ‘68 working for my Dad on the family farm and for other farmers and ranchers in the nearby area. I drove a tractor, chopped weeds out of the cotton fields and poisoned mesquite brush. It was hot work, but I enjoyed being outside and alone with my thoughts of Betty, a pretty blonde girl that I had met in Abilene. We dated all through the summer and were going steady. I don’t know what she saw in me because I was such an immature jerk with big ideas and I still had not completely given up on the idea of being a rock star. I cranked the eight-track player up loud in my car one Saturday afternoon while we were out driving around and beat the steering wheel like a drum during the solo of Iron Butterfly’s “IN-A-GADDA-DA-VIDA.” I looked over at Betty and shouted, “I can’t wait until I can afford another set of drums. This is some damned good music and I can’t wait to play it!”
Betty just smiled and nodded. She had to have known that I was full of bull.
Night found us at the drive in movie theater making out instead of watching the movie. I started moving my hand up her dress and she stopped me. I pulled away from her and sat on my side of the car for a moment. “Do you wanna get married?” I asked. My mind was made up. We were in love and it just seemed the logical thing for us to do.
“Dewayne, we’re seventeen years old,” Betty smiled. “Our parents aren’t going to let us get married.”
“I wasn’t gonna ask ‘em. I was thinkin’ more like goin’ down to Mexico. That way, there won’t be a damned thing anybody can do about it.”
Betty looked at me for a moment with a puzzled look on her face and then she suddenly laughed and pulled me close. “Oh, Dewayne, I love you!”
Perhaps, it was the fact that my older brother had already gotten married just the year before and had already been drafted and serving in Vietnam. Maybe it was my parents divorce and the loneliness and feelings of separation I felt. Whatever the reason, marrying Betty became an obsession for me and my first obstacle was to get enough money to finance our trip to Mexico. Therefore, I turned to the one man that would always help me in times of need, my Dad. I made up a wild story about how I wanted to borrow a thousand dollars to buy some cattle and start my life as a rancher. It was a story that I knew that Dad would agree with. He went to the bank, borrowed the money and I felt rich as I drove to Abilene. I rented an apartment and started making plans for our trip to Mexico that weekend.
Betty’s Mother was sitting at the kitchen table crying when Betty and I walked in. She wiped her eyes with a Kleenex and watched us as we sat down with her. “I don’t know how the two of you could be so thoughtless and foolish,” she said wiping more tears from her eyes. “Now that you’ve had your fun, I think you should know that I believe that it would be in your best interest to have this marriage annulled.”
“Mother, Dewayne and I love each other,” Betty explained. “We don’t want to have our marriage annulled!”
“Are you pregnant?”
“No!”
“But what about your education?” she sobbed. “You need to go on and finish high school and then if you still want to get married; I’ll give you my blessings.”
“Mom, I’m gonna finish school,” Betty told her trying to make a point. “Just because Dewayne and I got married doesn’t mean that I’m not gonna finish school.”
“I’m just afraid, dear, that you’ll drop out,” she said and looked directly at me. “And I’ve already heard that you’ve dropped out. So, tell me, how do you plan on supporting my daughter?”
I shrugged my shoulders and smiled. “I’ll think of something.”
By December, I was still unemployed. It seemed that nobody wanted to hire a seventeen-year-old high school dropout with no experience in much of anything. Betty and I were about to lose our apartment and the thousand dollars I had swindled out of my Dad was gone. I was running out of options fast. “I think I’ve got the answer to all my job hunting worries,” I told Betty one night after we had gone to bed. “I’m gonna be turnin’ eighteen in a couple of weeks and I’m gonna have to sign up for the draft anyway, so why not just go ahead and sign up for the army and get it over with?”
Betty was surprised and seemed a little worried when I told her about my new plan. “Join the army? I don’t think that is such a good idea.”
“Why not? I mean, here I am, an unemployed high school dropout, how long do you think it’s gonna take before they draft me anyway? I ain’t got a snowball’s chance in hell!” I could feel my anger rising because Betty was questioning my idea so I took a moment and sighed. “And it would solve so many problems like finding a job. I wouldn’t have to go on anymore job interviews and have some guy tell me that I’m too young and I don’t have enough experience to work for their company. It just seems like the right thing for me to do right now.” I had come from a long line of fighting men starting with my great grandpa who fought in the Civil War.
“What about Vietnam, Dewayne?” Betty asked. “You know that’s where you’ll end up, don’t you?”
“Maybe not. First of all, my brother is over there right now and the army won’t send two brothers over at the same time.” I answered. “And secondly, I’ve heard that if you join up instead of waitin’ to get drafted, you can pick your own overseas duty assignment and, if that’s true, I’ll pick Germany.” I smiled and pulled the sheet over our heads and tickled Betty trying to get her to laugh. “How would you like to live in Germany, Mrs. Mitchell?”
But Betty wasn‘t laughing. In fact, she wasn’t excited about my idea at all. “Dewayne, are you sure about all of this?”
“I’ll just have to go down and talk to a recruiter. That’s the only way I’ll ever find anything out.”
“I’m not sure that this is such a good idea.”
I quickly sat up and threw the sheet off us because he worries angered me. “What the hell do you want me to do, sack groceries for the rest of my life?”
“I just want you to be sure of what you’re getting yourself into,” she answered trying to make me understand her concerns.
I flopped down on my side of the bed and sighed deeply. I always hated it when someone didn’t like my ideas. “Like I said, I’ll go down and talk to a recruiter tomorrow and we’ll go from there.”
Staff Sergeant Aldridge looked very impressive wearing his Class A uniform with every badge, ribbon and stripe available. He looked sharp and I was envious. I could imagine myself wearing the same kind of outfit and how proud all of the family would be of me if I came home wearing something like that. He sat at his desk talking to me, he was friendly, jovial and knew that if he came up with all the right answers, it didn’t matter if they were lies, I would be a sure bet to enlist.
I was ready to join. There was only one thing stopping me at that point and that was Vietnam. “Isn’t there some kind of program for guys who enlist to pick out their overseas duty station?” I asked hoping that Aldridge wouldn’t think I was afraid of going to Vietnam. It was important to me that he didn’t think I was a coward.
“You bet there is,” Aldridge smiled. He must have been asked that question a thousand times from guys just like me. ”You just fill out a form stating where you would like your overseas duty station to be and the army will work in every way possible to get you there.”
“My wife doesn’t want me to join. She thinks I’ll have to go to Vietnam.”
Aldridge chuckled and shook his head no. “Let those draft dodging hippies go fight in Vietnam. The army wants to take care of it’s good men!”
“I’ve recently married and I’ve heard all kinds of stories about what the army will and will not allow about your wife livin’ with ya, can you tell me the army policy on that?” One of my biggest concerns was that I was afraid that I would not see Betty for an extended period of time.
“The army is very family oriented these days,” Aldridge smiled knowing that I was a real sucker. “The only time you guys will have to spend apart will be during your basic training and that will only be for a few days at a time,” Aldridge picked up a pack of Winston cigarettes lying on top of his desk. He took one out and held the pack toward me offering me one. I reached over and took one as he continued on. “Your wife can live off post somewhere and you can see her almost every night when the day’s training is done.” He cleared his throat. “Once you’re out of basic, you can take her wherever you happen to be stationed and live off post somewhere.”
I was sold on enlisting from that moment, but there was one more thing that I wanted to know. “I’ve heard that there is a program where the army will send me to school and let me finish high school.”
“You bet there is. The army feels that education is very important and will help you to get one. There’s even programs for college courses while you are on active duty.”
I couldn’t wait to get home and tell Betty that her husband was going to be a soldier in the United States Army!
CHAPTER 2
Fort Bliss, Texas
January, 1969
It was an unusually warm afternoon for the El Paso area as the winter sun beat down on the parking lot where I was standing in formation at parade rest with a group of two hundred men. Each man’s duffel bag was packed and uniformly placed by their right foot as we watched ten military busses drive into one end of the parking lot and stop. Two Drill Sergeants stepped off each bus and began walking down the ranks of men looking us over like meat inspectors at a butcher shop. The Sergeant In Charge stepped up to the front and center of the formation with a clipboard with papers attached. “The first group of names I call off will be in Alpha Company,” he explained. “So, when I call your name, I want you to grab your gear and double time over to the first bus where you will be met by your friendly Drill Sergeants.”
My mind wandered as he began reading off the names. I began thinking of Betty and home and the events of the past few days in my new military career. One thing I had learned so far in the army and that was I could daydream as much as I wanted to as long as I listened for my name being called. In this case, it was called off in the names of men going to Bravo Company. I grabbed my heavy duffel bag and ran to the bus where Drill Sergeants Mills and Paramore were impatiently waiting for me. “Get in the bus! Get in the bus! Get your dumb ass on the bus!” Mills screamed at me as I ran up.
I was eager to please and wanted to impress Drill Sergeants Mills and Paramore. I leaped toward the first step of the bus, but I misjudged it carrying the heavy duffel bag and stumbled and fell in the doorway. Paramore rushed right over, but it wasn’t to see if I was alright. “Get your worthless ass in that motherfuckin’ bus, you dumb asshole!” he shouted. “You’re gonna make it about two fuckin’ minutes in ’Nam, fuck head!”
I scrambled to my feet and rushed inside the bus and sat down hoping that they would not remember me. I wondered, what did he mean by two minutes in ‘Nam? I wasn’t going there and then I decided that he just didn’t know that yet.
Upon arriving at Bravo Company, we were divided into smaller groups of platoons and finally, squads. It must have been my unlucky day because Mills took his place in front and center of my platoon while we stood in formation. Mills was a skinny, small framed man with piercing blue eyes. “My name is Drill Sergeant Mills,” he introduced himself to the third platoon and then pointed to the left where Paramore was standing. “This is my assistant, Drill Sergeant Paramore. We will be your instructors for the next eight weeks here at Bravo Company. You men will find that I am a fair man and if you do your best for me, I'll certainly return that favor. But if any of you dumb bastards ever cross me, I'll do my best to fuck you up.” He looked around at the faces of the men in his new platoon for a moment. “You men are in the army now and I expect you to act like soldiers. Now, I am aware that you do not yet know how to act like soldiers because you are a bunch of dumb fuckin' trainees. It's my job to make you into soldiers.” He looked around at us again for a moment and then turned to Paramore. “Is there anything that you would like to add?”
Paramore nodded yes and stepped in front of the platoon. He was a tall slender man and wore black rimmed glasses with thick lenses. “You men are here for one purpose and one purpose only and that is to begin your trainin' for service in the Republic of Vietnam.” He stopped for a moment and took a deep breath before continuing in his deep voice. “Now, Drill Sergeant Mills and I have both been to Vietnam and we both know what is like over there. You men, on the other hand, don't know a damned thing about it other than what you've heard on the news and that means you don't know nothin' at all, so keep your fuckin' mouths shut and let us do our fuckin’ jobs.” He looked around the platoon as if someone were threatening him in some way. “I'm gonna make you a promise right here today...I'm gonna promise you that if you'll keep your mouths shut and listen to what we are tryin' to teach you, you won't have to come home in a body bag. I'll also promise you this...If you act like a fool here in this platoon, you won't have to worry about Vietnam 'cause I'll kill your worthless ass right here and tell your momma that you died of natural causes.”
When the formation was dismissed and all of the trainees were headed to the barracks, I saw my chance to talk privately with Mills. I nervously walked up to him hoping that he would at least be civil because about all I had heard him do so far was yell and curse. “Sir,” I began, but he quickly cut me off.
“Don't call me 'sir', I work for a livin'!” He looked down at my nametag and then back up to my face. “What the fuck do you want?”
“My wife is stayin' here in El Paso with her aunt and I was wonderin' when I could see her?”
Mills acted as if he couldn’t believe what he had just heard and I had insulted him in some way with my innocent question. “Get the fuck away from me, you worthless piece of shit! You're in the army now and you're not gonna be around to suck mama's titty every night!
Embarrassed and humiliated, I hurried away while Mills stood there glaring at me. I didn’t understand how my question could have possibly upset him so.
Later that night we were all in the barracks getting ready for our first full day of training. All of the trainees were wearing their newly issued white boxer shorts and tee shirts. Most of them were laughing, joking around and wondering what kind of things Mills would put them through the next day. I was sitting alone on my bunk smoking a cigarette missing Betty and wondering if I had made the worst mistake of my life in joining the army. Meyers, one of my fellow trainees, walked over and joined me. He lit a cigarette and sat down on my bunk. “Man, I can’t believe this fuckin’ place! Ain’t this a bitch? I wished now that I had gone on to Canada,” he began. “You know, if it wasn’t for my wife and kid, I would be there right now.
“You're married?” Sometimes, I ask the obvious.
“Sure am. I got a little girl that's two years old,” he said proudly and took a drag off his cigarette. He exhaled slowly as if he were thinking. “You know, there ain't no shame with the draft board, they'll take anybody.”
“I didn't wait around to get drafted...I enlisted,” I told him.
Meyers suddenly became indignant as if I had insulted him in some way just like Mills had done earlier. “You what? You mean you joined this shit? You gotta be kiddin’ me! What the hell did you go and do something like that for?”
“I joined so I could be a clerk typist in Germany,” I explained thinking it was still a smart move on my part.
“And you believe that shit? Man, did they ever take you for a ride! I can't believe anybody could be that stupid! You just wait and see, man...You'll be goin' to Vietnam just like the rest of us!” Meyers was doing his best to make me feel like a dumbass and he was doing a fine job.
“I will not!”
“Look around you, man, what do you see? A bunch of guys with their hair cut off wearin' white underwear...If I didn't know better, I'd think I was in an institutionalized person's hell!” He looked at me and suddenly chuckled then shook his head. “I can't believe you joined up, man...Unbelievable!”
I became defensive and I was not going to let him have the last word on the matter. “Well, we'll see who the smart one is when they pass out orders to Vietnam! I know a little about things...I've got a brother in Vietnam right now!”
“You got a brother in 'Nam, man? Drag!” He stood up from my bunk and put his cigarette out in the butt can. He suddenly laughed and shouted to the other guys in the barracks, “Hey, this dumb motherfucker joined up for this shit!”
My face glowed red when I heard the laughs, snickers and obscenities from my fellow trainees. I was glad when it was lights out so I could pull my blanket over my head and cry with what little privacy I had. For the first time in my young life, I wished that I could be a little kid again at home with Mama and Daddy back when my world was safe and secure. Back when things made sense.
It was early in the morning when Mills and Paramore quietly came into the barracks while the platoon was sleeping. Each of them grabbed a metal trash can and hurled them across the floor to wake the platoon up. The cans made a loud, horrible sound as they crashed and skidded against the concrete floor scattering what trash there was in them out into the floor for us to pick up all over again. “Drop your cocks and grab your socks,” Mills shouted. “Get up, get shaved, get dressed, make your bunks and get downstairs for mornin’ formation in ten fuckin’ minutes!”
All of the trainees scrambled to get out of their bunks and hurried to get dressed while Paramore banged the trash can lids together like cymbals. In a matter of moments, everyone was up and dressed except for a guy named Perez, who was still in bed and, as impossible as it seems, was sleeping through all of the noise. Mills and Paramore saw him and rushed over to his bunk and flipped it with Perez still in it. “What the hell is the matter with you, Perez?” Mills shouted. “Are you tryin' to piss me off? Give me twenty pushups!”
A stunned Perez started trying to do the pushups while Paramore stood over him shouting, “Do you have shit for brains, boy? What are you, some kind of cocksucker?”
I was dressed and was putting the final touches on making my bunk while Mills and Paramore continued on with Perez who seemingly could not do the pushups.
“You gotta be fuckin' kiddin' me,” Paramore shouted when Perez gave out. “You can’t do twenty fuckin’ pushups?”
“Boy, we've got a real winner here,” Mills told Paramore.
I walked past them and down the hall through the doors and down the stairs. I exited the building, but instead of going where the other trainees were gathering for formation, I quickly walked out of the company area. It was time to do something about this bullshit.
Mills walked inside the waiting area of the chaplain’s office and gave me a cold, hard stare that made me think that perhaps I had made a mistake by coming here. He stood there for a moment and lit a cigarette before walking over to where I was sitting. “Private Mitchell, what the fuck is this? I hate comin’ to the chaplain’s office...it’s for pussies. Are you a pussy, Private Mitchell?” he asked in a low, almost civil voice. He took a drag off his cigarette and exhaled. “While you were over here cryin’ and spillin’ your guts out to the chaplain, the rest of the platoon was in a trainin’ session...a session that I was called out of to come over here and hear this shit.” Just then, the chaplain’s private office door opened and Mills was summoned.
I continued to sit in the waiting area smoking cigarette after cigarette for another thirty minutes. Finally, the door to the chaplain’s office opened and the Bravo Company Commander, the Battalion Commander and Mills all came walking out. Without saying a word to me or even looking into my direction, they walked through the waiting area and out the door. It was as if I wasn’t even there. After they had all gone, Chaplain Lewis came to his door smiling and called me back to his office.
I quickly got up and hurried to the office and stood in front of his desk at attention while Lewis sat down. He opened the top drawer on his desk and packed his pipe with some sweet smelling tobacco. “You know, I just think it is so unfortunate whenever I hear a story such as your’s. I wish the army would pass some sort of regulation prohibiting recruiters from being so darned deceitful in their practices in getting young men to enlist in the army. It’s just not right to mislead young men like that.” He paused to light his pipe. “I called your drill sergeant, your company commander and the battalion commander over here to see if we couldn’t work out some sort of solution to this little dilemma here. We all decided that we are going to work with you on this thing, Mitchell. Since your wife is already here staying with her aunt, we’re going to let you visit her at night as long as it doesn’t interfere with your training or any extra duty that you may have.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“You do realize that this is the best that we can do? There’s nothing we can do about all of the other promises that your recuiter made to you. We can’t say whether or not you’ll be going to Germany or Vietnam...We just don’t know these things. It just seems such a shame to me that almost everything that the recruiter told you was a lie. That’s why I wanted to help you all that I could in working out the details in order for you to see your wife.”
“Thank you, sir, that’s all I could ask for.”
Mills was less than enthusiastic as he drove me through a neighborhood that evening after the platoon had been dismissed for the day. “This is a first in my military career...drivin’ a fuckin’ trainee around at night so they can get a piece of ass,” he said as we searched for Aunt Edith’s house.
“I really appreciate it too, drill sergeant,” I said fearful that he might decide to turn around at any moment.
Mills suddenly laughed. “I gotta hand it to you, Mitchell, you really had that chaplain eatin’ out of the palm of your hand. He thought you might go AWOL or something like that...You won’t go AWOL, will you, Mitchell? If you did, I’d have to come after you and kick your ass all the way back!”
I didn’t answer because I saw Aunt Edith’s house and suddenly pointed for Mills to turn. He pulled in the driveway and shut off his car. “ Make this fast as possible, I do have a life other than being your chauffeur.”
I pulled up on the door handle and looked over at him. “Come on in and meet Aunt Edith.”
“What is Aunt Edith, some kind of goddamn dog?”
“Naw, she’s nice, you’ll like her,” I said getting out of the car. Mills sighed and got out to follow me to the door. After I rang the door bell, Aunt Edith answered the door with a smile. She was an attractive middle aged woman who seemed to be happy that Mills came along for the visit.
“Ya’ll come on in here and let me get ya’ll a drink, she said as she turned and walked toward the kitchen.
Mills looked over at me and winked as we followed after her. “This is gonna work out just fine.”
CHAPTER 4
The trainees of Bravo Company were all sitting out in the warm, winter sun on the rifle range waiting for Mills to begin his talk on Viet Cong. He walked out in front and center of the group, threw his cigarette down and crushed it with his foot. He looked around the group for a moment before he began. He loved this part of the job, the part where he was an authority on the subject, he was in charge and he loved to act in front of an attentive audience. “North Vietnamese, South Vietnamese, there ain't no way of tellin' them apart because a gook is a gook. The only way to tell them apart is the ones that shoot at you are almost always VC. The ones that don't don't shoot are probably VC. too, it's just that they ain't got no gun or ammo at the moment.” He smiled and looked around at the trainees for a moment. “ The most basic weapon of the VC and the North Vietnamese army is the AK-47. The AK-47 is a 7.62millimeter weapon that can fire either as a semi or fully automatic weapon. You will recall I said that it is the most basic weapon, however, it is not the favorite weapon of the Viet Cong. The VC prefers booby traps. That way, Charley don't have to be around when you get zapped, he can be with mamasuan havin' a bowl of rice. The Viet Cong do not give a damn if the booby traps kills you, they are just as happy to make you a cripple for the rest of your life. The VC can and do make booby traps out of almost anything...even an old coconut shell. They often coat pungi stakes with their own shit just to make sure that you will get one hell of infection if you step on one.” He took his Zippo lighter out of this pocket and held it up for all of us to see. “I knew a guy that bought a Zippo lighter from a gook. It was fancier than this one of mine, it had the engravin' on the sides to make it all pretty and everything. Anyway, he went ahead and bought it from this old mamasuan thinkin' he was doin' the old bitch a favor. He paid for it, stuck it in his pocket and walked off. What he didn't know was that the old bitch had switched lighters on him and had given him one filled with an explosive. When he decided that it was time for a cigarette...the lighter blew his fuckin' head off. Now, the moral of this story is simple...never trust a gook. It don't matter if they are man, woman or child, they will kill or cripple you. The motherfuckers are playin' for keeps over there and I ain't shittin' you one bit.” I sat there listening and thinking about how glad I was that I enlisted for Germany.
Later that day, the trainees of Bravo Company were at the gas range low crawling under barbed wire and other obstacles without our gas masks on. The drill sergeants were all wearing their gas masks as they walked around the range supervising. There were explosions every few seconds and we knew that one of the explosions would release the gas, we just didn’t know which one and we weren’t allowed to put the masks on until the gas was released. After one big explosion, I was certain that it was the one with the gas and I hurried to pull my mask out of its bag and put it on. Paramore saw me, rushed up behind me and kicked me in the butt.
“Get that damned mask off! There’s no gas out here,” he shouted wearing his mask.
I quickly took the mask off and just as I got it back in the bag, there was another explosion and gas filled the air. I panicked trying to get the mask back out of the bag, but I couldn’t get it open. Scared, out of breath and panicked, I had no choice other than to breathe the gas in and immediately became choked and nauseous. I jumped to my feet and vomited while a disgusted Paramore stood there watching me. “You’re gonna last about two fuckin’ minutes in ‘Nam,” he shouted. It was a favorite saying of his and one that he used quite frequently, not only to me, but anyone who made a mistake.
From the first day through the fourth week of training, Perez had not made a single improvement in his military career. He was always on Mills’ and Paramore shit list. He was the one trainee in the platoon that could not finish a single task or exercise. We were on a five mile march through the loose sand in New Mexico carrying full field gear along with our M-14s when Perez suddenly fell face down in the sand and laid there motionless while the other trainees marched around him in our quest to make it back to the busses and return to the barracks. Mills rushed over to him and kicked him in the butt. “Get your worthless ass up and march, you fuckin’ pussy! I can’t believe that I have a man in my platoon that is such a fuckin’ pussy that he can not complete one single task that this platoon must perform,” Mills shouted while standing over him.
Perez slowly made it to his feet and staggered forward making it only a few steps before falling down again. “What’s your major malfunction, numb nuts?”
Perez did not answer or move and I caught Mills’ eye as I marched by. “Private Mitchell, come over here and grab this worthless piece of shit by the feet and drag him!”
I hurried to do as I was told and struggled to drag Perez and all of his gear through the sand. Mills searched for a helper as the men continued to march by. He saw Peoples, a very large, muscular black man. “Private Peoples, get over here and help Private Mitchell!
Peoples rushed over and grabbed one of Perez’s feet and we began dragging him. He looked over at me while we were dragging Perez through the sand. “This man should never even been in no damn army,” he said quietly.
Perez moaned and we both stopped and looked down at him. His face was pale with almost a purplish tint to it. His eyes were rolled up in his head and there was yellow mucus bubbling out of his nose and down his cheeks making the sand adhere to his face.
“Drill Sergeant,” Peoples called out to Mills who was up ahead of us. “This man needs a medic!”
Mills froze in his tracks, quickly did an about face and walked back to where Peoples and I were standing over Perez. He was mad that Peoples had the nerve to think for himself.“ Dammit, Peoples, I’ll decide what this sorry son of a bitch needs and when he’ll get it! Is that understood?” he shouted.
“Yes, drill sergeant!” Peoples shouted back.
“What’s the matter with you, Peoples, are you not man enough for the job?”
“I can do any damned job you give me, drill sergeant,” Peoples shouted.
Mills stared at him for a moment with hated in his eyes. “Watch your tone with me, boy! I’ll have your black ass recycled to another company and you can start your trainin’ all over again. Is that understood?”
“Yes, drill sergeant!
“That’s good...Now, pick that sorry cocksucker’s feet up and drag the pussy motherfucker through this sand until I tell you to stop!” Mills quickly turned and walked away as if he had another important matter to attend to leaving Peoples and I standing there. We waited a moment before bending down and grabbing the still unconscious Perez by the feet.
“Muthafucka,” People said as we started dragging Perez again. Up until that time I thought Peoples was a real asshole because he didn’t get along with anyone, black or white, all that well. He just seemed mad at the world all the time, but on that day, I started to respect him more.
Right after I had enlisted, I remember proudly telling my Dad that I was going to do my basic training in Fort Bliss and that I was glad of that because I didn’t think it got that cold there, Dad laughed at me and said, “That’s the coldest place in the world!” Of course, I didn’t think Dad knew what he was talking about until the night we had to camp out in the desert. The cold North wind was blowing on this February night and I was certain that I was going to freeze to death, I had never been this miserable before. It was a welcome relief to see the two mess hall trucks pull up to our campsite. The two cooks got out of the truck, sat up a table for a serving line and started serving the trainees hot chocolate. I hurried to get my back pack off and get in line. The wait wasn’t long and within minutes, I was walking away with my hot, delicious treat. It was just then that I heard Squad Leader Phillips yell my name. I turned around just in time to see my back pack come flying through the air hitting me in the arm and causing me to spill my hot chocolate everywhere. Phillips came running over with a crimson face upset at me. “There's your fuckin' back pack! What the hell are you trying to do, dumbass, get us all in trouble with Mills?” he yelled stepping forward and shoving me. “I ain’t takin’ no ass chewin’ for you, asshole!” He drew back his fist to hit me, but Peoples rushed up and shoved him away.
“What tha fuck you doin’, man?” Peoples yelled at him.
“That fuck up son of a bitch left his back pack layin' around and if Mills would have seen it, we'd all be up shit creek,” Phillips yelled back.
“I don't give a damn what Mitchell did, that don't give you the right to chunk shit at him like he was some kinda dog! He's a man and he's got a right to be treated like one,” Peoples shouted back.
Phillips glared at Peoples for a moment like he was going to fight, but he was afraid to take on the big man. His face was glowing red with anger and hatred as he started tugging at his arm band that had corporal stripes sewn on to it that he was supposed to wear to show the others that he was, in fact, a squad leader. He was really just a private like the rest of us. When he got it off, he threw it at Peoples' feet. “You be the squad leader...just go tell Mills about the change!”
“I ain't gonna tell him nuthin'...I ain't gonna be his boy! All I want you to do is apologize to Mitchell,” he shouted at Phillips.
“What?” Phillips acted as if he couldn’t believe what he had just heard.
“I want you to tell the man that you be sorry for chunkin' shit at him instead of bringin' it over to him and then chewin' his ass out for leavin' his shit layin' around,” Peoples explained.
Phillips face turned even more red with embarrassment as he looked over at me and then back to Peoples. “Sorry,” he said quickly and quietly to me. It was obvious that he pained him a great deal to say that one word, but he was afraid that this muscled up black guy was going to kick his ass if he didn’t.
Peoples turned to me. “And you tell him that you be sorry too for leavin‘ your shit layin‘ ‘round.”
“Sorry,” I said with a little smile on my face. It felt great knowing that someone, especially Peoples, was around watching my back.
Phillips shook his head in disgust, pick up his arm band with the corporal stripes and walked away.
I had never noticed it before that night, but there did seem to be a lot of resentment toward me from the other trainees because I was seemingly Mills’ pet project. They had all seen me walking out of the company area with him to his car in the parking lot and drive away with him. They couldn’t figure out where we were going and I was under strict orders never to tell anyone.
“Your trainin’ here is almost complete and I am proud to say that you men are now part of a huge, green, fightin' machine and your purpose in that machine is to kill gooks! No matter what you thought your purpose in life was, the fact is that you are in the army now and the army wants you to kill Viet Cong! And now that you have a purpose in life, you'll feel more like a man instead of some little faggot in college that chases boys instead of women!” Mills looked around the platoon standing in formation. “Okay, men, fall out to the chow line. Be in formation again right here at thirteen hundred.” Mills did an about face and walked off to the Orderly Room.
The third platoon along with the rest of Bravo Company rushed to the chow line. We stood in single file line at parade rest with only Sergeant Paramore keeping watch on us. I’m standing there minding my own business when Phillips suddenly came up and cut in line in front of me. That infuriated me and so I shoved the son of a bitch out of line. “You ain’t cuttin’ in front of me!”
Phillips gave me a go to hell look. “I’ll get you for this you motherfucker!” He then quickly turned and got in line somewhere behind me before Paramore could see him moving around.
After lunch, I went inside the barracks to get a pack of cigarettes out of my wall locker. I kept the key to the lock around my neck with my dog tags and bent over slightly to unlock it. Just as I stuck the key in the lock, Phillips rushed up from behind and hit me in the side of the head with his fist. “Peoples and Mills ain’t around to save your ass now!”
Although the blow had stunned me, I grabbed hold of him and we began fighting until we were pulled apart by the other trainees who were fearful that Mills might walk in and catch us fighting at any moment.
A sleepy eyed Betty answered the door to find Mills standing there waiting with a little smile on his face. “Edith is working today,” she told him thinking that was why he came over.
Mills walked past her inside the house and sat down on the couch. “I know that Edith is workin’ and I put Mitchell on guard duty.”
Betty walked over and sat down on the couch beside him. “Is there something that you want to talk to me about?”
Mills nodded and smiled a devilish little grin, “I want some of that hot pussy of your's.”
Betty was shocked, no one had ever said such a vulgar thing to her before. She jumped up from the couch upset. “Get out!”
Mills laughed as he looked up at her. “What for? I just came over here just to see how good that pussy of your's is. I know its good enough to make Mitchell go AWOL and spill his guts to the chaplain. I've had to play nursemaid to that little bastard for the past two months and now, I want somethin' in return.”
Tears began running down Betty’s face as she suddenly ran to the bedroom and slammed the door holding it shut. Mills followed after her and forced his way through the door. “Hell, bitch, I’m tryin' to do you a favor...I thought a good fuckin' by a real man might do you some good.” He turned and started to leave the room, but stopped at the door. “I’ll tell you what, honey, let's just forget about this. If you tell anybody, I'll personally make it hell for Mitchell and I mean I'll fix him up good.”
Betty couldn’t answer for crying. Mills stood there watching her for a moment before turning and walking out the door.
The next day, after Betty had told me what had happened, we felt that it would be best if she caught the next bus back to Abilene to her parents’ house. I wanted to kill the son of a bitch for what he had said to Betty, but I kept my mouth shut. I was afraid that I would be held over in Fort Bliss if I reported him to anyone and I was too afraid to confront him face to face. After all, the man had been terrorizing me and all the other trainees for eight weeks. I wished that I had the nerve to walk up to him and tell him what a sorry motherfucker he really was and I that I hated his guts.
My hopes of going to Germany grew more distant and far away with each passing day. It seemed that only an act of God would prevent me from going to Vietnam and I had decided that if, in fact, I did have to go, I might as well start making a mental list of people that I would kill over there if I got the chance. Of course, Mills was at the top of that list and Phillips was next for hitting me when I wasn‘t looking. In third place was Sergeant Aldridge for all the lies he told me in order to get me to join this fucked up army. Kill, kill, kill had been drilled into my brain for the past two months and so I had no remorse for my thoughts of ending any one of those bastard’s lives somewhere in Vietnam.
My dreams of having a week of leave at home with Betty were crushed when I got my orders for my next duty station, I was to report immediately to Fort Polk, Louisiana for further training. I went to the airport and caught the next flight out.
CHAPTER 4
My Dad loved to tell army stories of his days in World War II. My brother, Mom and I would all sit at the kitchen table and listen to his tales of fighting Japs in New Guinea, the Philippines and on into Japan. I loved listening to Dad and when I was a young kid, I couldn’t decide on what I wanted to be when I grew up, it was either going to be a cowboy or a soldier. I had now made my choice.
According to Dad, he served in the war with the very same people that he went through basic training with. That wasn’t so in the Vietnam War. I would never see those guys from Fort Bliss again and that was alright with me. There wasn’t a one of them that I really liked anyway.
FORT POLK, LOUISIANA
MARCH, 1969
It was in the middle of the night on a Friday when I reported in to my new company. The CQ (charge of quarters) was at his desk in the Orderly Room doing paperwork and looked up at me as I walked in the office. “Welcome to Charley Company, but I think you should have waited until Sunday to report in,” he told me.
“I thought I'd do it now and get it over with so I could get a weekend pass,” I explained.
He shook his head no. “We can't do it that way this time around. The company is on phase two spinal meningitis control. The whole battalion is quarantined until further notice.”
My heart sank down below my knees, the exciting weekend Betty and I were planning was now over. I tried not to let my disappointment show as the CQ took me to my new barracks and assigned me a bunk. After the CQ had left, the dark barracks was quiet and I pulled my blanket over my head and cried myself to sleep. I missed home so much, never in my short, sweet life had I ever been gone for nine weeks.
The morning sun was shinning brightly outside the barracks when I woke up. I put my uniform back on, went outside and sat down on the steps of the barracks for a morning smoke. I lit a cigarette and looked around at the tall pine trees surronding the company area. This place looked nothing like the barren country around Fort Bliss. I spotted a row of pay phones just across the street and after making sure that no one was around to see me, I rushed over to them to call Betty. I deposited the change for the operator and checked behind me to make sure no one was watching.
“Hey, I’m in Fort Polk,” I said trying to sound cheerful when she answered.
Betty started crying as soon as she heard my voice. “Dewayne, I’ve been waiting for you to call, I’ve got something important to tell you.”
“What is it?” I was concerned and knew that it was going to be bad because no one ever cries when they going to tell someone good news.
“I'll tell you when I get down there,” she sobbed. “Have you gotten your pass yet?” she was expecting to drive down to see me and shop for an apartment because we thought that we were going to be able to live together.
“Uh, not yet,” I answered choosing not to tell her about the quarantine, I didn’t want to upset her any further and I didn’t know why I couldn’t just tell her the truth. “I probably will in a couple of hours,” I lied.
“I can't wait to get down there so we can finally live together. Its okay for me to come down there, isn't it? I’ve already gotten everything I want to bring packed up and most of it is already in the car.”
“Sure, I guess, I haven’t asked anybody.” I was trying to think fast to come up with a way that I could leave Charley Company, spend the rest of the weekend with Betty, rent an apartment and report back for duty Monday morning. “I’ll call you after I get my pass,” I said to stall for some more time. “The closest town to here is Leesville...I'll get a motel room and call you so you'll know where to come. Just be ready when I call.” I looked around again to make sure that no one was watching. “I gotta go, okay? I love you and I’ll see you in a few hours.” I had made my decision before I hung up the phone. I was going to go AWOL to see Betty and let the chips fall where they may on Monday morning when I reported back in. I rushed back to the barracks, put a few things that I thought I would need in a gym bag and left. As I was quickly walking out of the Charley Company area, I fully expected to be stopped by someone at any moment. That didn’t happen and I hurried down the road hoping to catch a cab.
LEESVILLE, LOUISIANA
Of course, I didn’t tell Betty that I was AWOL when she arrived at the motel some twelve hours later. I was still contemplating not telling her at all. If there was a way I could get by without it, I wouldn’t. My mind was racing with thoughts, but I didn’t want to talk about the army or my problems. “How come you were cryin’ this mornin’ when I called? Were your parents givin’ you a hard time?” “There’s something I’ve got to talk to you about,” she said snuggling into my shoulder as we went to bed. “I’m pregnant.” She looked up at my face when there was no immediate reaction. I glanced over at her and smiled, but I was speechless. “You’re happy about it, aren’t you?” She suddenly started crying. “Please say that you’re happy!”